We want to come!

I’m sure your kids are the same way, but my kids always want to come with when I go to a store or something. I think they think they’ll miss out on something. Leaving them with Daddy feels like a death sentence. It’s not that Daddy’s a bad guy. He just doesn’t have as much candy as the store does.

Well, kids. Here’s what you missed.

I drove to the store with no noise except the radio and it was a couple of mellow songs with some droning commercials in the middle. There were no cries to stop at Casey’s or requests for more Scooby Doo on the tv in the back. Just my thoughts.

I went into the store in one motion. I didn’t have to climb around in the back of the van getting you out. I didn’t have to unbuckle you or struggle to get to the carts. I just went in. Then I grabbed a basket because I didn’t need to put someone in a cart, and I got what I wanted. I also picked you up some gummy worms.

On the way home, I found myself lost in my thoughts as I ripped open a bag of sour gummy bears that I didn’t have to share. Then this song came on.

While singing, I ate my gummy bears so I looked like an 80’s pop star chewing on gum…. at least in my head. I’m sure I looked like something else entirely. Good thing it’s foggy today.

Then there was this song.

I was out of candy so I opened up my tea and drank it while I sang obnoxiously, and nobody asked for a sip.

Then there was this song:

I got caught behind some sort of fertilizer truck while the song was on and I swore with nobody repeating me. The plus side was that I was able to hear the whole song, and by the time it was done, I was practically doing the air guitar. I would have if I hadn’t been driving Mike Tyson (our big green van with the teeny little horn).

Then I got home, grabbed the bags, shut everything off, and went into the house. That’s when the best part happened. You were there and you were happy to see me.

 

Christmas preparations are beginning.

I just made my little girl’s night by taking a “Springtime” carboard butterfly off my back door. Fact of the matter is, I should have taken those things down a year and a half ago, but I never bothered. It came in handy when her older sister was painting a plaster butterfly and she wanted one. She’s convinced that she painted the cardboard butterfly when she was a baby and she’s flying it around the house.

Too bad Christmas gifting isn’t that simple. With five kids, along with extended families, it can be complicated and expensive. It hasn’t been too painful this year, though.

I spent a large portion of the year signing up for freebies and couponing to get what I could. Wal-mart paid me a dollar to take a shirt that will be given to my mom. I had a coupon for $5 off and I found a winter shirt in that brand for $4. It has been in the closet since June. I also found her a Yankee candleholder and candle on clearance for around $5 in June. I got a free first aid kit that is just a tiny bag with bandaids but it makes a good stocking stuffer. Her boyfriend is getting a movie that I found in the $5 bin at Wal-mart and a gift set of soaps that I won in an internet contest.

I couponed my way into two free bottles of men’s bodywash, as well. One will go to kid 2 and the other will go to my father-in-law. I’ll pick up a bath puff or something to go with my father-in-law’s bottle and I’ll let my husband worry about the rest. He usually gets him things he actually needs but doesn’t buy himself, like socks or t-shirts, sometimes underwear. Father-in-law is close to eighty. He takes joy in new drawers. To let you in on a little secret, we think it’s funny to buy him bikini briefs, knowing my mother-in-law is disturbed by it when he walks around in his underwear with his old man junk in her face. It’s worth it if it costs a little extra.

I plan to make my in-laws a quilt, though, and I’m giving my sister-in-law a scentsy warmer and 3 scent packs. I was the hostess of a party and got a percentage off of my order so it’s basically half-price.  It’s part of a combo pack so I don’t have an exact amount for it, but it’s about $34 worth of stuff, for probably half that. Oh, and there’s a reusable shopping bag that rolls up into a pouch you put in your purse. I’ll give that to my mother-in-law too. It was free.

For kid 1, I have:
a pearl necklace ($8)
2 pairs of headphones (free)
a sewing kit ($1)
a stationary set ($1)
handmade socks ($4 for the yarn)
Her big gift will be an ipod touch, which I intend to buy refurbished from ebay for around $150.

Kid 2:
Angry birds calendar ($5)
T-shirt with some excuse for not doing homework on it ($3)
Billy The Kid dvd (free)
100 piece puzzle ( $1)
bodywash (free)
His big gift will be a Nintendo DS, again from ebay, for around $70.

Kid 3:
High school musical teddy bear (free)
stationary set ($1)
handmade socks ($4 for the yarn)
handmade quilt ($20 or so for the materials)
small padlock and key (free)
I also plan to get her a DS. That’s another $70 or so.

Kid 4:
teddy bear (free)
Barbie ($5)
sidewalk chalk ($1)
handmade quilt (around $20)
She still needs a big gift, which I’m not sure about but I’m thinking I’ll try to score a better kitchen set than the one she has and that may be a joint gift for her and kid 5. Otherwise we’re looking at around $50 each. Stocking stuffers should be easy for her, at her age. I can pick up a My Little Pony or something.

Kid 5:
small tool set ($1)
hand puppet (free)
play-doh ($2)
If I don’t get the kitchen set, there’s  a ball funnel racetrack-like thing where you drop the ball in and it rolls down the track. That was around $35 at Toys-R-Us. I have the spare material to make him a quilt, too, if I have the time.

Hubby wants mortise chisels, which I can get on Amazon for around $35 and I can use a $5 card from swagbucks to cut the cost of that down. I also got him a little portable screwdriver bit set thing for free a few months ago.

That’s the extent of my gift giving, except for making cookies for friends. It almost seems too easy this year. I’ve always wanted to build a stockpile early in the year and never got much of one going until this year but I’m really glad I did. It makes the holidays so much easier to deal with.

Now, if you got through all of that, I have a reward:

My cute kiddo wants you to know that he’s sessy and he knows it.

 
 

Long story short, I pulled a muscle in my back while having sex. I went to the walk-in clinic today to get it looked at and this is also the same health system where my husband works. I went into the exam room, etc, alone, so they may not realize it’s me, his wife. Then again, maybe they do. The doctor does know him. I know that for a fact. She can’t say anything, by law, but I bet she’d sure like to.

None of them would take hints for an answer. I guess they have to make sure there’s no domestic violence going on or anything. The doctor obviously has to know how the injury takes place but the receptionist, nurse, and x-ray tech really don’t. I still couldn’t be blunt enough to tell them to not worry about it, even though I know I do have that right. The conversation with each one, including the doctor, went like this.

Staff member: “So what’s going on?”
Me: “I hurt my back.”
Staff member: “Oh, did you fall.”
Me: “Nope. Didn’t fall.”
Staff member: “Well what happened?”
Me: “I hurt it  [then I whispered out of embarrassment] having sex with my husband.”

Not a one of them flinched. They must see it all the time. That, or they’re really good at not laughing in front of patients. The x-ray tech told me it doesn’t even phase her. I’m sure I was the only one phased by the story.

The doctor did ask what I do. I suppose she wanted to know if I needed a note for work. I told her I was a homemaker, and she asked how many kids. I told her five and she playfully jabbed me in the arm and said “You guys really need to quit having sex. It’s dangerous for you!” (I thought that was hilarious. I happen to love it when doctors act like real people.)

It’s hilarious how people elsewhere keep asking what happened and I know they’re completely unsuspecting. I am the one that brought up the back pain in the first place so it’s on me that they keep asking, but then I get embarrassed when I have to answer, and I can’t bring myself to lie about it.

To answer your question in more detail, it went from this:

To this:

 

Grrrooowwwllll

It’s been one of those days where every time I sit down to write witty commentary on my life, real life gets even wittier. Right now I have one kid chasing the other one as she runs away with the empty cloth diaper bin.

So many topics cross my mind but I have a hard time staying focused long enough to write a decent blog about it. I’d like to write out my thoughts on the movement to make business establishments “childfree” but I know that will have to come later. For now, I’ll leave you with a funny. First, watch this.

For years, my husband has done this thing where he nips my nose and growls like a puppy. It was inspired by those creepy dogs on AFV that talk while they growl. It started off as “mama” and “I love you” and it has evolved to just being a playful puppy. No matter how mad I am, I can’t keep from cracking a smile. He does it before sexy times. He does it when he thinks I’m mad but I’m not. He does it when he wants to hear me laugh. It’s been going on for about 5 years and I laugh because he’s doing it, then I laugh harder because I know it’s dumb and I’m laughing anyway.

So the other night, he was doing the puppy thing, and afterward, I said “The maple kind??”